ay dios mio

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

2009-11-11T04:38:00.001Z

right?

Don't cry Shopgirl, dont cry.

2009-09-18T04:12:00.002Z

People always say that change is a good thing, but what it really means is that something that you didn't want to happen, has happened.

Fall 2009

2009-09-15T02:30:00.002Z

Not much going on....

No big commitments and unsure of employment. This is kind of exciting. And produces much anxiety. I mean, I've got some ideas and a budding social life that need some tending. Or just some TV to catch up on...

Camp/Life Friends

2009-09-02T16:26:00.001Z

Brian and Jenni stopped by on their way to California!

And then before anyone had time to blink or finish checking off their summer check lists, it was September and everything was starting to change.

2009-09-02T16:19:00.001Z

Marshfield Manor

2009-08-24T04:06:00.002Z

I made $467.25 at the Minneapolis Fringe Festival. But what I learned is money can't buy happiness, only spending 12 days doing nothing but drinking, laughing, playing ninja warrior, and performing can.

Lists of things I believe in but don't actually believe and want to believe

2009-08-11T04:23:00.001Z

Dommo Arigato Mr. DeYoung

2009-07-13T15:48:00.005Z

Dennis DeYoung sings the music of Styx: accidentally the best night EVER.

10 years later

2009-07-13T15:41:00.003Z

Pots and Pan '09, still starring Lindsey Obrien. Some of these kids I've been teaching for a few years are almost done with high school! How scary is THAT?

Art Shows, Beach Rubdowns, and Floating Animals

2009-07-13T15:34:00.003Z

You win this time spray on sunscreen. Next time you won't be so lucky.

The Event of The Century

2009-07-06T00:42:00.004Z

Again, thanks for the help/ coming and supporting us at the party!

Happy 4th of July!

2009-07-06T00:26:00.003Z

What could be more American then the electric/ cha-cha slide in the middle of the street with your Philippino neighbors/ my new best friends? And also hot dogs!

A REMINDER FROM DORRIS

2009-06-22T03:50:00.001Z

Lauren's Wedding

2009-06-21T21:21:00.003Z

When did my friends become adults who get married? Lauren's lovely wedding at Brookfield Zoo!

You're Dripping All Over The Place

2009-06-15T23:51:00.004Z

Found Fireworks, Blues Fest, and Planetarium with my best bud Arlo.

The Littlest Pony Grows Up

2009-06-15T22:37:00.001Z

Drama Girls Retreat

2009-06-15T22:25:00.003Z

Everybody's Fault! Everybody's Fault!

More like QT-T

2009-06-12T22:40:00.001Z

Brought to you via tess "nyc" d.

Come on Harry, lets go save the world!

2009-06-08T23:04:00.003Z

what a charmer!

Randal y Randal

2009-06-07T04:06:00.003Z

Hold onto your tooth paste, everyone- Arlo's coming to visit soon.

My Girl

2009-06-04T02:56:00.000Z

oh dramagirls, you were so so so so awesome.

What's Hearting Leonardo DiCaprio

2009-05-30T21:59:00.002Z

By Rachel

Haikus of the Nineties

I
Sixth grade is awesome.
Kait and Amber date the boy
I’ve loved since preschool.

I have a bowl cut
and find out I am moving
across the country.

I like the way you
never age. I get to keep
middle school always.

II
Romeo or no,
you’re the prettiest thing in
all of Missouri.

I don’t menstruate yet
but I’m sure we should have tons
of top-secret sex.

If you want to kill
my cousin that’s cool with me
I guess. Whatever.

III
Do you really know
how to dance like the poor do
way down in steerage?

And remember Luke
Bower? You’re so cute as a
working class hero.

Leo, you are here
to remind me that someday
I’ll be loved or dead.

Nothing But the Truth

I want to write you a poem wearing this. Wearing only this.

Stupid Question, Mom

After my mom saw What’s Eating Gilbert Grape she asked my sister and me if Leonardo DiCaprio was really retarded.

We were shocked.

He’s not retarded. He’s famous. And beautiful. And famously beautiful.

That’s the opposite of retarded.

By Zoe

The Workout Room

I know how the world works.
I’ve got ten bucks in my pocket,
Which will buy me one youth admission
And, oh boy,
Resse’s pieces!
Me and Elizabeth Rogowski share a cherry coke.
Coked up and bouncing out of our newly developed skin.
We’ve been here,
Before. Last weekend.
Dropped off at 1:15, picked up four hours later.
Left to roam the halls of North Riverside in a sugar induced frenzy
After watching it sink.
Watching him die. Again. Before.
We know whats coming.
We know what he’ll say.
We know how the world works,
As we eat cheese sticks and steal scrunchies from Claire’s.
We never pause for a moment to see
THIS
Is just the tip of the iceberg.

Just In Case

Sometimes
I lied to my diary.
This is true.
I LIED to my diary.
The most sacred secret keeper.
My most trusted friend!
I always had this horrible idea that someone somewhere someday
Might find my diary, like in harriet the spy.
You know, and all her friends
See the horrible things she wrote about them.
Nicole Ginger or Eileen Puccinelli may have been the only ones hurt by a finding of my diary.
But they deserved it.
For making fun of my ears.
For calling me Zo Zo the circus monkey:
Zo Zo the circus monkey
Yuck, yuck say boys are yucky
That’s because they don’t liiiiike her.
Terrible.
I wanted to look cool to whoever found my diary.
So I LIED.
Not horrifically.
But I may have added in a few details to make me seem a bit less yuck yucky.
Just in case.
For posterity.
So in case adam elpayaa found my diary he would think he and I had hung out at Wendy’s after the dance and gotten in a huge, flirtatious spit ball fight.
Just in case.

Dorris Photo Shoot

2009-05-30T21:46:00.002Z

Its gonna be a great summer!

Young AND Modern

2009-05-17T16:30:00.002Z

I may have the prettiest friends in the whole world! (even the ones who weren't there!)

FINALLY

2009-05-07T03:01:00.003Z

"Back, before, when me and Leonardo DiCaprio were homeless" by Margaux Williamson

coming soon to an around the coyote arts festival near you: a new performance piece about leonardo dicaprio by Zoe Schwartz and Rachel Fischhoff. be prepared to have your ship sunk with greatness.

Cinco De Mayo

2009-05-06T04:19:00.002Z

my goodness, time passes quickly. Seven years ago I was sitting on a bench with brian wolowitz eating wendy's, remy was 9, and it felt like I would be in high school forever. But it still only feels like one goddamn second ago.

nothing quite so unreal

2009-04-30T01:44:00.002Z

I should be preparing a lesson for my class tomorrow

2009-04-25T22:03:00.003Z

brought to you by nostalgia, procrastination, and iphoto

Just another April afternoon

2009-04-25T21:51:00.003Z

brought to you by an ever warming climate.

I actually meant to post this pancake making pic in the previous entry.

2009-04-16T15:41:00.001Z

This MIGHT be my new favorite picture.

A night different then all other nights

2009-04-16T15:31:00.002Z

I think we're almost there, guys.

2009-04-10T02:45:00.001Z

2009-04-01T01:05:00.002Z

I broke/ spilled SO many things today.

I don't even know who these men are

2009-03-30T02:22:00.001Z

Blueberry pie, anyone?

2009-03-25T22:22:00.001Z

Bad day mended, thanks to this EXCELLENT find. This dress will be the cow head of this summer. Just you wait.

French Gibberish

2009-03-14T19:45:00.003Z

"All we do our whole lives is go from little piece of holy ground to the next."

Cry like a parrot, chatter like an ape

2009-03-12T03:35:00.002Z

"You Let it flow from you,
you let it flow,
And youth is cruel,
and has no remorse
and smiles at situations
which it cannot see."

-T.S. Elliot

One lemon ice, please!

2009-03-05T21:04:00.000Z

Art History Final Presentation, Barcelona 2006, as performed by Zoe Schwartz and Arlo Furst

2009-03-02T02:34:00.002Z

(oh my god, I can't believe we performed this in front of our class)

Scene 1:

ART MUSEUM: Portrait of Paul Eluard on wall

G: My oh my. (as vender walks by)

V: what a beautiful piece.

G: You think so?

V: Its definitely interesting. Looks like theres a lot going on in the mind of this man. A lot under the surface.

G: Yes. You see, this man here?

V: Yes.

G: He loves this woman. I know that because of this lion here. Have you read anything by freud?

V: who?

G: hes a psychoanalyst. Writes a lot about the unconciousness of thought. Anyway, he says that the lion symbolizes desire. So this lion coming from the mans head to the woman, he wants her.

V: Does he?

G: Yeah. But this woman is distracted by another man.

V: sounds like something that could lead to trouble.

G: yes, that’s where this grasshopper comes in. the artist is terrified of them and he uses them to signify something hes frightened of in life. This other mans desire.

V: do you know the artist?

G: just by association.

V: and what about these, are these ants?

G: Yes. They represent orgasm and sexual sensations.

V: WOW.

G: Yeah, interesting isn’t it?

V: Id like this artist to do some work for me…for a great sum of money.
G: ILL ARRANGE THAT RIGHT AWAY!

SCENE 2:

D: “Gala
You are not included
In the circle
Of my objects relation
Your love is beyond
The comparative and beggarly concepts
Of human feelings
For I feel nothing for you
Since feelings mean the absence of love
Or its weakness
And it is beyond all feeling
That your pure, unique image
Excites me and makes me ejaculate.”

SEX BEHIND DESK, G COMES UP FRUSTRATED

G: Why cant you make love to me? Just tell me already!

D: Its complicated.

G: Well talk to me stupid.

D: You don’t understand my past. Ive been through a lot of emotional trauma. Deaths in the family.

G: how does your mother dying affect your penis?

D: Theres more than that.

G: What?

D: well do you know about my past with Federico Garcia Lorca?

G: I know you lived together in the residencia in Madrid…

D: well he was in love with me and 6 years my senior, a poet a writer, a beautiful musician.

G: Did you love him?

D: as a friend, and for a moment in time a bit more than that.

G: Did you make love to him?

D: We tried. Twice. But both times were unsuccessful.

G: How does this affect us?

D: It was slightly traumatic. I tried to make myself be something I was not.

G: God knows you love who you are.

D: what is that supposed to mean?

G: cough narcissist cough

PREGNANT PAUSE.

G: well. Im a woman. My body is softer than lorcas was. Cant you see it as a different experience with me?

D: No matter what, it seems violent to me. I cant….perform.

G: well what are we going to do about this?

D: VALE! You love sex, but I cant satisfy you, and I want you to be satisfied (like a son wants his mother to be happy, look out to audience to imply maybe this is why he cant get it up) so...

G: what if I gave my body to others, but my heart remains yours?

D: lets try it.

G: goes to closest boy, and flirts.

D: hmmmm. Im surprisingly pleased with how this is turning out…

SCENE.

oh, this makes it even sadder

2009-02-27T06:23:00.002Z

The dishwasher has taken your heart
Replaced it with spoons

Laika's Coffin

2009-02-25T05:18:00.001Z

I'M IN THIS SHOW

Nikki Giovanni

2009-02-24T03:43:00.001Z

"...and neither of them ever
said what they meant
and i guess nobody ever does"

When the sun shines we'll shine together

2009-02-15T21:57:00.002Z

love to love to love you

I don't want you to be anything that you are not already but if you were something else, I would probably still love you.

2009-02-12T01:56:00.002Z

Lime Ricky

2009-02-11T00:25:00.003Z

I'm a mentor

2009-01-24T03:51:00.003Z

And this is my "girl" laura. We made up an ice skating routine today.

Granny Laura Love 85/86

2009-01-24T03:46:00.001Z

My grandma Laura made these for me when I was a baby.

Inspired by that one photo annie took of me walking backwards

2009-01-17T01:09:00.001Z

Hello everyone and welcome to the University of Illinois at Champaign Urbana. I would like to give a special welcome to The Golden family! Its good to know that Samuel will hopefully be following his big brother, Jim’s, foot steps and attending school here in the fall! (to someone up front) Old family friends. (to the whole group) Alright, lets get this tour started and pump you full of some orange and blue. As you can see we are on the quad in front of the Student Union. The union is a great hub to meet your fellow class-mates for a quick bite or study session. Once a month they have Illini-nites, which offers a lot of straight edge, good clean sober fun, like mini-golf or really bad improv. Follow me! Slightly behind the union there is the natural history building where there are a lot of stupid rocks and shit and right here is the fountain where Jim Golden used to pee every night on his way home from the bars freshman year! He got a pretty expensive ticket one time, I think it was for like $200 and told his parents he needed the money to buy a new chemistry book because his got stolen. But really it was for a ticket for public urination! Isn’t the quad beautiful this time of year? You can get a good look at the changing foliage no matter what the season is through the west windows of the chemistry building. It might give you something to look forward to, because if you are chemistry major, there is no way you are going to be getting any ass. Unless you are as smooth as some people, say a certain James Golden who has quite a way with the ladies. He could often be found hanging out right there behind this building, smoking pot in between classes and talking up smart girls. Of course he always swore he wasn’t into any of them. One time, right by this tree, Jim and I had an argument over this very matter that resulted in me throwing a latte on him. I said “What? Am I not smart enough for you? Is that why you need to spend 25 minutes talking to Kathy Baker from Pochohantas, IL every goddamn Monday and Wednesday when you are supposed to be meeting me at Espresso for our after class coffee? Or is it just because her blowjobs are better then mine?” and he said, you will not believe this Mrs. Golden, he said “Well, your blow jobs aren’t very good.” I threw my coffee on him and stormed off! What kind of mother raises her son to say things like that? (takes a moment to catch her breath)Anyway, this is Davenport Hall. I’m not really sure what classes are in there, but for some reason there’s always a lot of Grafitti on the front steps. Maybe a lot of those Allen hall kids have class there. They are the artsy-fartsy, hippie kids who come to class and do stupid presentations that involve a lot of props and extra material or drumming. And this, my friends, this is Follinger hall. This is where I always imagined Jim might propose to me. Right here on the front steps. Or maybe on the roof. They often have big concerts here organized by the University. Usually big names. Just two nights ago Ryan Adams played. I went to the show but was not that into it. Although he writes heartbreaking music, he’s kind of a dick on stage. And he wasn’t playing any of my favorites, so I left early thinking that I could catch Jim after his lab. I took a short cut to his house, and you will learn all the short cuts throughout your four years here, guys. But I went that way, over the library (don’t worry, we’ll get to why its underground!) and down Gregory to his apartment on 4th Street. I’m right in front of his building and I call him to let me up when I hear his phone ring coming from the car directly behind me. And what to my wondering eyes should appear but Jim Golden going down on some chemistry slut in the back seat of some fucking toyota Camry. Its not even Kathy whats her face, but this girl I remember from rush week freshman year.

(tbc...)

I'm not sure if I'll ever be warm

2009-01-16T04:43:00.001Z

Out of the parsimonious dark
Bitter, oppressively long.
Distantly scintillates a spark
Harbinging the dawn.
Shattering the grasp of night
It strikes an answering fire
Of hope: for change and love and light
From branch to roof to spire.

twothousandFINE

2009-01-05T15:56:00.001Z

2009 is going to be the SHIT.

"Life is sad. Here is someone."

2008-12-28T20:12:00.002Z

Lorrie Moore is DA BOMB, people. In other news, TGINotchristmasanymore.

Only 5 Shopping Days Left!!!

2008-12-19T14:22:00.001Z

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/19/movies/19wond.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

My First Day in the E* Wish Center

2008-12-10T03:40:00.002Z

This is not head elf, this is community service/socially awkward elf.

Zots...Krambles

2008-12-10T03:37:00.001Z

i was laughing so hard the whole time I can't even remember something funny that they said to type here.

Owls well that ends well!

2008-12-05T14:31:00.003Z

I have been waiting for this moment since, like, FOREVER. OH MY GAWWWWWWWWDDDDDDDDD. I'm so excited.

Blarg!

2008-11-29T19:54:00.001Z

Jenna: Liz, I think that guy wanted to buy you a drink.
Liz: I already have a drink, do you think he'll buy me mozzarella sticks?

I guess it runs in the family

2008-11-26T01:20:00.002Z

Fake College Essays by THE Remy Schwartz

Dear Long Island State University,

The following essays to complete my application for freshman admission. I am sending my these separately because it was the only section of my online application I had yet to complete when my father accidentally activated a powerful electro magnet he had been secretly building in the basement as an anniversary gift to my mother. The questions are in the order they were asked on the application. Thank you for your time.

What kind of tree am I? I would say that I'm probably most like a dogwood. I've always really liked dogs. I mean, I can really connect to a dog. I know what it's like to be someone's pet. It's horrible. People are always saying that dog is man's best friend, but that phrase always makes me really mad. I mean, did anyone ask the dog? The last time I checked, which was recently, friendship is usually mutual. I mean, if it's not mutual, what makes it different than rape? Right? Well my dog is not my best friend, because I could not verify that information with him and I know your strict policy on academic dishonesty. Seriously though, I've had a dogwood in my backyard my entire life. It's not that it's even pretty or anything, but if you climb it you can see into my neighbors bathroom. Until she got that restraining order, I used to watch her daughter sometimes. That trees grown a lot since then, it must have an awesome view now.
Or Maybe beached wood. You know, beached wood, like wood that washes up on a beach? Because this one time, I was on my uncle's boat out in the middle of Fox Lake. You know, in McHenry County? Well anyway I was pretty drunk on the boat, and I washed up on the beach wrapped in an afghan. And by drunk I mean more that I had a pretty bad cold, and I was all hopped up on cough syrup. I mean like, seriously tripping, hallucinations and all. Not like, Robitussen or anything. It was probably more like Mucinex, because you know, I was pretty congested. But like a lot of Mucinex, I mean that stuff really gets my goat, you know? Anyways I woke up, bare ass naked on the beach. Just a man, nature, and an afghan. It was actually the afgan my grandfather knit when he was hiding in his attic from Nazis during the invasion of Poland. However, I must say that my sinuses were surprisingly clear. So that's what kind of tree I am.
* * *
Why do I want to be a Mongoose? Hmm, let's think about that– do you mind if I answer your question with my own question? Good. Why wouldn't I want to be a Mongoose! That's a better question, right? I know, I know. Seriously though, lets break that question down. First, why wouldn't I want to be a Mongoose? Second, why would I want to be a Mongoose? Well, first, I do want to be a Mongoose, so it's irrelevant. Second, well– tradition, maybe? That's a big one, I'd probably say. Maybe because you've got like the best non-tennis racket sports programs in the country. Definitely, the academics have something to do with it. Mainly the campus is just breathgrabbing. It just grabs the breath out of my chest. Gone. I can't hear you, I'm not really breathing right now. I would say that diversity is a pretty big deal to me. It's pretty high on my list of criteria for what I look for in a school. I would say it's probably the– fourth most important factor. However, it is important to specify that it's not necessarily diversity I'm looking for, but more of a lack there of? Do not end a sentence in a preposition!
Let me explain. When I was in the fourth grade, I had an oriental baby sitter, and the whole situation just made everyone really uncomfortable. Oh sorry, "Asian American." My parents realized the flaw of this decision after she had left. We got off on a bad foot because my father is a collector of artifacts from the internment camps in the forties. My house is literally covered in memorabilia of Japanese bondage. It just soured the taste of diversity for me, and I was hoping it was something I could avoid. I'm not really a big fan of change, and I feel like maybe your school would accommodate that mindset. Maybe you guys have like whites only dorms? That'd be awesome. So yeah, if diversity is at all avoidable that would definitely be preferable for me.
Then, of course, there is Greek life. At my school, we used to have Olympic day once a year where we would all wear togas and do obstacle courses and eat gyros. Those were always so much fun, and I see that you guys offer a more intensive version of that. That's really attractive to me. I could definitely see myself, you know, living the Greek life all the time! Actually, now that you bring it up, a funny thing happened on the way to the forum! Actually, that was a joke. That's a pretty bland walk, nothing funny usually happens.
* * *
I would say that my most prized possession is probably a cast iron statue of Andrew Jackson's head that I made in the eighth grade. I've always loved history, but there's something that draws me specifically to Andrew Jackson. It could be his eyes or maybe his constantly stern expressions. I honestly don't really comprehend the fascination. It's just that, well, I don't know. What a man he must have been, you know? A real hero, that Andrew Jackson. That's why he is on the twenty and Washington is on the one, because he's like twenty times better than old 'Wood Teeth'. Oh god, it's just– that forehead and those bangs... what I wouldn't give to just get lost in those bangs. I could wander around for days, really find myself. Take the time to discover me, the real me! Sometimes during class, I'll just stare at this one twenty dollar bill I have. I covered everything but the picture in hearts. I just stare and stare and think that I would just– I would just fuck his fucking brains out, you know?
I digress. Anyway, I've got this cast iron statue of his head in my room that I made. It's hollow and I like to put money through the hole in his mouth. He's roaring and his mouth is wide open. I always imagined him screaming a battle cry, something about killing Indians or something. Oh, sorry, "Native Americans." It's funny though, because there must be almost two or three hundred dollars in there, but not one single twenty. I didn't do it on purpose, I guess that it's just fate. Just a shitload of Washingtons. Old 'Wood Teeths'.
Like I said, I made A.J. in eight grade in my A.P. Fibers course. I really earned my welding stripes that semester. Besides the obvious aesthetic features, I picked Andy because he's kind of like my role model. A mentor, even. I really respect the honor and courage with which he fought in the Battle of New Orleans. He killed like a blood thirsty monster. Now you wonder why they call them redcoats. And throughout his life, he just killed SO many Indians! Oh, sorry, "Native Americans." My favorite nickname for him, because I've heard so many, is probably the Cajun Carnivore.
The other reason I chose him is to make a statement. It is a huge injustice that he was left off Mount Rushmore. I mean, who are these clowns in comparison to Andrew Jackson? THE Andrew Jackson. First, he had an extremely firm brow, which would have made him very easy to carve out of a mountain, and second, that mountain was conquered Indian land! What screams Andrew Jackson more than Indian Injustice? Oh, sorry, "Native American Injustice." Have you heard about this other mountain they are carving now, of "Crazy Horse"? Who the hell is Crazy Horse? Crazy Horse gets a mountain and Andrew doesn't? Does no one else find that nauseating? This is America! Not Native America! Oh sorry, "Native America". We should be carving mountains of blood-thirsty war mongers, not sick livestock. Seriously though, despite all of my disparaging comments towards Indians, I'm really proud of my Andrew Jackson head. I think it's because I made it myself, and I was in a full body cast that year because of my crippling scoliosis. And the detail is really impressive.

Thank you again for your time, I apologize if this complicates this process or adds any additional clutter to the Office of Admissions. I look forward to attending your fine institution.

Love,
Martin Landau
(No relation to Ed Wood/Crimes and Misdemeanors Martin Landau. Just a weird coincidence, my parents HATE Woody Allen.)

im not thinking about christmas im not thinking about christmas

2008-11-22T23:11:00.001Z

its difficult to ignore its arrival when you're an elf.

2008-11-19T01:41:00.002Z

I had this dream about Ki-Ki where she could basically talk and mimic a phone dial-tone very well.

i think im going to cut my bangs

2008-11-11T01:58:00.000Z

living in dream world

2008-11-11T00:29:00.002Z

too much time alone on the train

29, 31

2008-11-01T18:13:00.002Z

I hope my co-workers don't mind me putting up pictures of their adorable children on the internet...I was BANDAGED CHEDDAR! get it!

Same color scheme, different year

2008-10-29T20:52:00.002Z

i think that i am a very lucky girl.

Too Many Gay best Friends

2008-10-26T15:59:00.004Z

But never enough!

Hey, thanks so much for coming to my show this past week. I had a lot of fun doing the whole thing and I hope you had a fun time seeing it.

But seriously, everybody, seriously....

2008-10-21T13:15:00.005Z

I am really excited that you are really excited and really happy that you are happy and that there is all this positive energy being sent towards me. Thank you! See you there!

2008-10-14T03:06:00.001Z

I hadn't realized how long its been

2008-10-06T20:49:00.002Z

OCTOBER OCTOBER OCTOBER!

2008-10-02T13:48:00.003Z

Lets take a day trip to curtis orchards?

Sporty Spice

2008-09-28T18:35:00.000Z

always accidentally a spice girl

Times are Hard For Dreamers

2008-09-21T22:41:00.003Z

thanks for making me feel 16 again, Amelie.

THE RUMORS ARE TRUE

2008-09-18T03:26:00.002Z

I am dating Body Jenner. And also this:

Dear Family, Friends, and Everyone In Between,

"Auntie Dorris' You May Not Wanna Know But I'm Gonna Tell You Anyway- athon" is back and better then EVER. For those of you who may not remember, this is the one woman show I wrote and performed this past April. Well, now I'm doing it again! In Chicago! At a "real" theater! Its going to be re-written, polished, directed by someone besides myself, and even more fun than the first time around. So come check it out! And tell all your friends! Here is all the important info:

WHAT: "Auntie Dorris' You May Not Wanna Know But I'm Gonna Tell You Anyway- athon"

WHERE: Gorilla Tango Theater (1919 W. Milwaukee at Western, right by the Western blue line stop)

WHEN: October 21st, 22nd, and 23rd at 9:30pm.

TICKETS: $10

PLEASE come. I will see you there?

Love,

Zoe

The Best Yet

2008-09-06T22:22:00.002Z

Just wait till its all unpacked and decorated! Take that 604!

Inspired by girls half my age

2008-08-27T19:41:00.002Z

http://www.nytimes.com/indexes/2008/08/17/style/t/index.html#pagewanted=0&pageName=17tween&

(I can't believe I still don't know how to embed websites in posts)

Remember when we did that dance from that play we were in in front of the lake theater? Ya....me neither.

2008-08-25T03:59:00.004Z

Dear Diary,

Today, in a movie theater at the Lake, i was really really annoyed at this group of teenage girls. I'm sure I've been annoyed at teenage girls since I have been one, but I was really aware of it tonight. it made me feel really old. I remember being those girls and being obnoxious as fuck in the movie theater and loving it. But now I hate them. Maybe it was just because I was there alone and they were having fun with their friends. I miss you, friends. Lets have a party at our NEW APARTMENT on SEPTEMBER 3RD, work schedules permitting. We can put up lights in the back yard!

Love,

Zoe

Sorry I haven't seen you since June, this is where I've been!

2008-08-23T17:04:00.003Z

Working/Bonding with Co- Workers, Seeing almost-famous friends in plays that also have movie stars in them, Redmoon Weddings, and Tea Parties on Michigan Ave!

2008-08-21T18:19:00.003Z

I have so many secrets, but so little storage for them.

Some gr8 pictures coming soon, I promise.

I went to the meanest doctor yesterday...

2008-08-21T18:15:00.003Z

well not THAT mean, but she was a BITCH.

something kind of like this

2008-08-07T19:28:00.000Z

Beach Porch

2008-08-03T23:08:00.002Z

(those flakes are for you, Laura. Without you, I would never be this good at making circular snowflake!)

I feel like I should be packing everything and getting ready for a bright new school year

2008-08-03T22:52:00.003Z

But I'm not.

Oh yeah, we got an apartment! Goodbye Mom, hello rent!

Kevin and Amanda Got Married!

2008-07-27T17:44:00.001Z

Everyone looked so pretty!

2008-07-22T04:48:00.002Z

"I decided to continue... until I had got over my pain by comparing it with other people's, or had worn out my own story through sheer repetition."

Beachwalk is coming up!

2008-07-21T00:40:00.001Z

And I get to hang out with these dudes! (thats a booger on his finger)

At Least I'm Staying Entertained

2008-07-21T00:37:00.000Z

"art"

you stole my blah, justin kirk

2008-07-15T03:12:00.001Z

2008-07-11T22:20:00.000Z

Theres a tree across from this place I always go. By always I mean twice. The first time I went there, all I got was an artisan caramel. The second time I got a mango smoothie. It was made from concentrate, but still pretty delicious. This place just opened and has little black circular tables with chairs that you would find in a restaurant scene in a high school play. Those black ones with the circular backs that are light enough for the special ed kids to move so they feel like they’re contributing to the show in some way. Two walls are lined with booths that consist of a wooden bench with a cream, cinched fabric back. I think the whole place is supposed to look French. The weird, “country home” metal sun god faces on the north wall kind of throw off the whole Parisian café thing, though. Despite its copious amounts of effort, I kind of like this place. At least its trying. There have never been any other customers here during my visits. Maybe it’s the sun gods that keep them away, maybe it’s the light rock radio station that plays or the five dollar smoothies. Either way, without anyone to watch as I drank my mango smoothie, my eyes stumbled out through the window and across the street. It was then, as I looked out the window past a potted plant that I noticed the tree. A tree that had been cracked. Broken in half. The fragile ankle of mother nature sawed in two, dared to perform an elaborate skate board trick and failed. Whether it was the winds or the lightning of that mid june storm that triple dog dared it, we’ll never know. It was left to moan and wail in pieces, all over the street. Cars slowed down as they drove past, frozen in awe at the sight of this monster lying in shambles across their peaceful drive home. Dog walkers gasped as they pulled their sniffing companions out of the rubble and into the street around the damage. The broken home of a few birds and a few squirrels lay across the street disrupting traffic for days on end. Then one day it was gone. The rubble of the skate board accident disappeared as quickly as it appeared. The only evidence there is of the whole incident is the sad stub of what used to be a huge tree. The legs of a giant forced to remain stationary for the rest of their life. No swaying, no rustling, not even quivering. Just a hollowed out 10 foot stump. Standing with no purpose but to greet the seldom customer at this place I sometimes go. Its probably dead inside, left without any appendages to send oxygen to. Its important veins snapped in half. Or maybe I’m wrong and this sad stump couldn’t be happier to relieve itself of the weight of its top half. It probably feels as light as one of those black café chairs, able to stand up straight and breath right into the ground. No more nonsense. Just open air and no branches. I stare at this lucky stump through the window and all I can think is I wish I had gotten more whipped cream on my five dollar smoothie.

REALLY FIGHT

2008-07-11T01:35:00.000Z

http://www.learningtoloveyoumore.com/reports/64/renoir_milady.php

Its weird that i'm never going back to college

2008-06-24T03:14:00.004Z

Later That Day I Got to Thinking About Relationships

2008-06-22T05:27:00.003Z

I just decided I'm going to start writing a semi- fictional "column" for the "New York Star" based on our lives, written in the voice of "Carrie Bradshaw". Or at least a little thing right now.

A few nights ago I was at a party where I came upon a lonely man sitting at a table. I was drawn to him and I began to talk to him when I realized he looked alot like an ex-boyfriend of mine. On the drive home I got to thinking, are we only attracted to the same people over and over again? Is every relationship just a repetition of past love? Are we just looking for the same people over and over again, hoping to right wrongs from previous lives? On the west side, in a repetition of her own, Natalie was still trying to get her new man to stop wearing his dirty socks for a few days at a time. She had tried everything, even washing them over night, but he still insisted on wearing the dirty ones. Maybe we, as humans, just stick to what we know is comfortable, like the socks we were wearing yesterday. We know it works on some level, so why throw it in the laundry basket even though its a little smelly?

This weekend was totally great

2008-06-08T22:18:00.004Z

And heres why:

as well as the phrase "Zoe doesn't need that" my new motto

the last few weeks

2008-05-31T04:40:00.000Z

It was something like, but not necessarily Schilnder's List

2008-05-16T21:50:00.001Z

swooooooooooon

All I learned at college was how to waste time making things out of construction paper

2008-05-06T23:29:00.002Z

Although I still need to pass my my bio final tomorrow before i actually "graduate". Natalie left today and the house is empty and a little bit lonely. But we'll all be together soon in the big city where our names will be in lights!

Friends Forever Music Video - Vitamin C

2008-05-05T01:53:00.001Z

Its like 2000 all over again, 8 years later.

DORRIS

2008-05-02T21:47:00.002Z

something like one week

2008-05-02T18:40:00.000Z

TOMORROW IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL EVER

2008-04-30T02:07:00.000Z

Our 70's are almost over!!!

Big Weekend 2

2008-04-20T19:52:00.003Z

The Big Barcrawl- alot o' drinking

Topsy Tail!

Kam's?

Mccahills?

Big Weekend

2008-04-20T19:48:00.001Z

The Big Show

Everyone has to grow up

2008-04-14T04:06:00.000Z