What's Hearting Leonardo DiCaprio

By Rachel

Haikus of the Nineties

I
Sixth grade is awesome.
Kait and Amber date the boy
I’ve loved since preschool.

I have a bowl cut
and find out I am moving
across the country.

I like the way you
never age. I get to keep
middle school always.


II
Romeo or no,
you’re the prettiest thing in
all of Missouri.

I don’t menstruate yet
but I’m sure we should have tons
of top-secret sex.

If you want to kill
my cousin that’s cool with me
I guess. Whatever.


III
Do you really know
how to dance like the poor do
way down in steerage?

And remember Luke
Bower? You’re so cute as a
working class hero.

Leo, you are here
to remind me that someday
I’ll be loved or dead.




Nothing But the Truth

I want to write you a poem wearing this. Wearing only this.





Stupid Question, Mom

After my mom saw What’s Eating Gilbert Grape she asked my sister and me if Leonardo DiCaprio was really retarded.

We were shocked.

He’s not retarded. He’s famous. And beautiful. And famously beautiful.

That’s the opposite of retarded.






By Zoe



The Workout Room

I know how the world works.
I’ve got ten bucks in my pocket,
Which will buy me one youth admission
And, oh boy,
Resse’s pieces!
Me and Elizabeth Rogowski share a cherry coke.
Coked up and bouncing out of our newly developed skin.
We’ve been here,
Before. Last weekend.
Dropped off at 1:15, picked up four hours later.
Left to roam the halls of North Riverside in a sugar induced frenzy
After watching it sink.
Watching him die. Again. Before.
We know whats coming.
We know what he’ll say.
We know how the world works,
As we eat cheese sticks and steal scrunchies from Claire’s.
We never pause for a moment to see
THIS
Is just the tip of the iceberg.


Just In Case

Sometimes
I lied to my diary.
This is true.
I LIED to my diary.
The most sacred secret keeper.
My most trusted friend!
I always had this horrible idea that someone somewhere someday
Might find my diary, like in harriet the spy.
You know, and all her friends
See the horrible things she wrote about them.
Nicole Ginger or Eileen Puccinelli may have been the only ones hurt by a finding of my diary.
But they deserved it.
For making fun of my ears.
For calling me Zo Zo the circus monkey:
Zo Zo the circus monkey
Yuck, yuck say boys are yucky
That’s because they don’t liiiiike her.
Terrible.
I wanted to look cool to whoever found my diary.
So I LIED.
Not horrifically.
But I may have added in a few details to make me seem a bit less yuck yucky.
Just in case.
For posterity.
So in case adam elpayaa found my diary he would think he and I had hung out at Wendy’s after the dance and gotten in a huge, flirtatious spit ball fight.
Just in case.

Dorris Photo Shoot

Its gonna be a great summer!

Young AND Modern

I may have the prettiest friends in the whole world! (even the ones who weren't there!)

FINALLY

"Back, before, when me and Leonardo DiCaprio were homeless" by Margaux Williamson

coming soon to an around the coyote arts festival near you: a new performance piece about leonardo dicaprio by Zoe Schwartz and Rachel Fischhoff. be prepared to have your ship sunk with greatness.

Cinco De Mayo

my goodness, time passes quickly. Seven years ago I was sitting on a bench with brian wolowitz eating wendy's, remy was 9, and it felt like I would be in high school forever. But it still only feels like one goddamn second ago.